How True

Source here

“It has long been known”
…. I didn’t look it up
“A definite trend is evident”
… These data are practically meaningless.
“While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions”
… An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hop to get it published.
“Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study”
… The other results didn’t make any sense.
“Typical results are shown”
…This is the prettiest graph.
“These results will be in a subsequent report.
… I might get around to this sometime if pushed / funded.
“In my experience”
… Once
“In case after case”
…Twice.
“In a series of cases”
…Thrice.
“It is believed”
… I think.
“It is generally believed that”
… A couple of others think so too.
“Correct within an order of magnitude”
… Wrong.
“According to statistical analysis”
… Rumor has it.
“A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings”
… A wild guess.
“A careful analysis of obtainable data”
… Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of pop.
“It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs”
… I don’t understand it.
“After additional study by my colleagues”
… They don’t understand it either.
“Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions”
… Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
“A highly significant area for exploratory study”
… A totally useless topic selected by my committee
“It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field”
…I quit
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2 responses to “How True

  1. This is too funny. I had to forward this to my DH, since he is in the “present-at-as-many-conferences-as-will-have-you-in-hopes-of-getting-published” post doctoral phase right now. We were just joking the other night about things you could say to come off sounding like an expert without out-and-out lying. Too funny, and too true!
    Congrats on getting in to UICU. Best of luck with your academic endeavors. Tell Jordan to prepare for academic widow-hood. It sucks while it’s going on, but it’s worth it in the end!
    -kate

  2. I think I’m going to see a lot of these in the Global Warming discussion we’re about to start. LOL

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